The Play-by-Play
Bitter, agonizing defeat.
by Richard on June 26, 07:54 PM | 1 comment
That sums up my experience with Loaf-Off 2006. Sometimes you just gotta suck it up and admit that no matter how much money you left tucked under the judges’ napkins they will still turn on you the fun is in the competition and not the winning. Here’s my take on yesterday’s events.
Preparation
The night before was a fun night of drinking, board games, drinking, and drinking. So our immediate needs for the day’s contest involved lots of water and ibuprofen. I also accompanied Atom to Mass — something I haven’t done in probably ten years — to seek spiritual guidance and hopefully divine intervention.
Shopping
My once-a-decade visit to a Catholic church mission completed, Atom and I were ready to go shopping. We gathered the camcorder and the digital cameras to record the event for posterity, made a quick stop at the local Target for a meatloaf pan or two, and headed to the grocery store.
My favorite part of the shopping experience was archiving every purchase we made with a snaphot:
It was silly at first but after awhile, like anything silly, it became too much fun.
At the meat section we tried — unsuccessfully — to garner an interview with the butcher:
us: We’d love to get an interview with you and get some of your views on what constitutes an excellent meatloaf. We’re filming this for posterity and will probably put it on the internet.
him: Uh, the internet. Yeah, right. No way, man. I know all about the internet.
So, there went that idea. Right about that time we realized that our goofing-off and the time-stretching, yawn-inducing power (kidding, kidding) of a Catholic Mass put us severely behind schedule. A quick change of shopping technique — dashing to our ingredients snapping a photo in the manner of a undercover spy under a deadline — and we were ready for the checkout line.
I won’t go into much detail here, but let’s just say we spent thirty freakin’ minutes in line waiting behind a suburban mom who insisted that her coupon for $0.75 was worth validating. The resulting clash between her, the checkout lady, and the customers behind her meant I wasn’t willing to risk my life to take a photo of the checkout experience.
Cooking
We dashed off to our respective kitchens, myself at our friend Dave and Mindy’s house, and Atom to his father-in-law Jim’s. I got settled in at about 2:30, judging was at 5:00. D’oh!
My approach to the night’s dinner: Sicilian-style meatloaf (ground beef and italian sausage blended with a marinara-type sauce of fresh tomatoes, bell peppers, onions, and loads of garlic; a ribbon of fresh mozzarella cheese in the middle), garlic mashed potatoes with goat cheese, and steamed asparagus briefly sauted in olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Simple-yet-tasty sides + flavorful meatloaf = Loaf Master. Or so I thought.
An Iron Chef I am not. I did my best to pretend I was, though. Set a couple of pots on the stove to boil water, blanched and peeled the tomatoes, chopped, sliced, diced, and eventually concocted something resembling a tasty sauce. Time to assemble:
It’s hard to see, but above are the meats, an egg, breadcrumbs, the sauce, various spicy things and a dash of Louisiana Crystal Hot Sauce (why not?). Mixed, molded, laid down some cheese, molded again, topped off with sauce, and in the oven it went at 350 degrees for two hours. Current time: 3:45 p.m. Uh oh.
Mixed, molded, laid down some cheese, molded again, topped off with sauce, and in the oven it went at 475 degrees for an hour and fifteen minutes.
The sides went pretty smoothly although my interest in the pick-up wiffle ball game going on in the backyard caused a little asparagus over-cookage. Ah well, this isn’t an Asparagus-Off so I should be okay.
While I was busy destroying the kitchen, Dave and Mindy wrote up a scoresheet. Scoring was tallied by assigning up to five points for the following categories: presentation, bouquet, originality, character, tradition, flavor, repercussions (any ill after-effects suffered the next day could possibly break a tie). Atom’s wife, Annie — a vegetarian — would be judging the sides.
Eating
Atom came over shortly after 5:00 with his loaf and sides. His sides were pretty fancy-schmancy; his loaf was, uh, interesting-looking. His approach was to create a meat-paste of some sort and slather it with a sauce of ketchup and other assorted condiments. [Ed. note: As the eventual loser of the competition, some snarkery may be incorporated into Richard’s side of the story.] My loaf (barely) temped in at 165 degrees… time to take it out and put it to the test!
Judging
We plated our food, set the table, served our masterpieces (sadly, I don’t think we snapped a proper photo of the final plated servings) and went outside for a celebratory beer. And here’s where it all went wrong.
See, what I didn’t know — and Atom did — was the makeup of our jury panel. The first is a sensible man who appreciates things that, oh, say, taste good. But the second barely tolerates meatloaf in any form, and most likely assumes that anything inside meatloaf that’s not meat is probably cancerous. And the third is apparently a curmudgeon whose taste for meatloaf is specifically centered on Depression-era culinary achievement.
From the judges’ later comments and eyewitness reports I gathered, the thought process must have worked something like this:
“Let’s see, this meatloaf is caressing my tongue with tender-cooked angus ground beef and the playful spices of italian sausage… the aroma of bell peppers and garlic sensuously accentuates the palette and the creamy texture of mozzarella ties it all together beautifully…
…wait a minute! This is not a salty brick of ground beef with the consistency of Play-Doh! My taste buds say yes, but my mind says NO. No choice but to give it bad marks.”
And so, by now you see where this one is going.
The King is Crowned
At the softball game that night, the judges announced the winner and Atom Robinson was crowned Loaf Master of 2006. So, bitter and dejected though I may be, I do wholeheartedly recognize my new King, His Majesty Atom, King of Meatloaf.
The prize, being hailed throughout the game by me as Atom hit or made a play, was a bit of a letdown as Atom only played every other inning due to an overage of players. I have a feeling I’ll feel the pain of loss until next year’s competition, though, as Atom is an extremely creative man and being King gives you a lot of power to keep the commoners in check.
Final Thoughts
I did get to sleep happy that night anyway, as Dave said these very kind words later in the evening:
“I would be happy to eat Atom’s meatloaf if I was invited over to his house for dinner. But I would go to Richard’s restaurant just to eat his meatloaf.”
So, with that in mind, I’m feeling alright. Can’t wait ‘til 2007, and a chance to steal the crown!
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It was with great dismay I read the bitter rant of the 2nd place finisher in Loaf-Off 2006. I have tried to be kind, and spare any hurt feelings, but now the kid gloves are off! Curmudgeon indeed! First let me state, unequivocally, that meat loaf is an AMERICAN dish. It is NOT an italian/marinara/hoity toity food. Its hamburger! And should be treated as such. Richard made a good dish. It was tasty! Had it been billed as ground spaghetti sauce of beef, I would have voted for it. As far as the winner goes, had there been a third entry it could have easily gone another way yet. It won, but it wasn’t THAT great! This contest was in many ways similar to the last election. Two guys ranting about things of which they know little, willing to sacrifice anything to win, even their honor, and having to choose between the lesser of two evils. Next year I will enter the dam thing myself and show you guys what a meatloaf is supposed to be like. Other than that, let me also state, these were great guys, the food WAS good, and a fine time was had by all. I’m still shocked that you let someone judge the sides that is sleeping with one of the contestants though. Shame shame.
by Judge Jim, June 27, 02:50 AM | #