The Play-by-Play
Victorious, humbled
by Atom on June 30, 02:23 PM | 1 comment
First off, I’ll apologize for taking so long to post to the Loaf-Off 2006 website. I was unaware that, after winning a competition as prestigious as Loaf-Off, there would be so many responsibilities- the parades, the meet-and-greets, the grip-and-grins, the speaking engagements, the private cooking lessons I’m supposed to offer…
They’re all taking up more time than I expected, but such is the life of a Loaf-Off winner.
I’ve been amazed by the kindness of the people I’ve met since my victory- kids run up to me on the street, wanting autographs and pictures (I’ve taken to carrying 8” x 10” pre-autographed head shots in my briefcase- it just makes the whole process so much easier).
Old men, sitting in front of barbershops, look up from their games of dominoes to shout, “Right on, Loafmaster!”
I got pulled over the other day, but the cop let me off with a warning- how could he not? I still was covered with the scent of what I now call my “Magic, Award-Winning Meatloaf.” I’m not sure he recognized me as the Loaf Master, but there was a kindness in his eyes that I can only assume was due to the fact that I’m a winner.
A little old lady stopped me in the grocery store last night (I’ve had to start going out only at night, simply to avoid the crowds that gather around me when I’m out) to ask, “What’s your secret.”
I smiled, knowing that I couldn’t share it with her, knowing that, like Richard, she has to discover the magic on her own.
Now, Richard has written a lot about the process of Loaf-Off. How he prepared for the event, how struggled and toiled on the day of the event, and how he dealt with his crushing defeat- and that’s interesting and important, but I’m going to dispense with such information quickly:
1- I came
2- I cooked
3- I kicked ass
I’m off, now, to a meeting about the book/movie deal my agents are negotiating. “Life of a Loaf-Off Winner” (working title) is scheduled to hit the streets right before Loaf-Off 2007. And, I don’t want to start any rumors, but I heard Matt Damon is asking to play lil’ ol’ me!
More later.
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Once again it becomes necessary for me to wade into the fray, to set the record straight. I think a more appropriate designation for the “winner” of Loaf-Off 2006 would be King Loafer. I can’t seem to stress enough, that there were NO real winners here. Its kind of like being in the blast area of a hand grenade, to use a metaphor that is apt and eerily likely in this day and age. There are NO winners, just some that are not so much the losers as others. As I have previously stated, if someone had rolled up a pound of ground cow into a “loaf” and tossed it in the oven, it would have won this contest. Next year I will enter myself, and give a real lesson in humility AND the culinary art of “Loafing” to these two novices. I will admit though, I am hard pressed to top either one of them for wit humor and self glorification. I remain your humble
Judge Jim
by Judge Jim, July 4, 07:06 PM | #